Is Celine Dion Really

An Investigative Inquiry

"Here we may reign secure; and in my choice
To reign is worth ambition, though in hell:
Better to reign in hell than serve in heaven."
-Paradise Lost (1667)
Book i, Line 261
John Milton

Celine Dion
(Actual unretouched photo
from her website)

NEW!! Additional information relative to the inquiry!!

A friend of mine was the first one to suggest this to me. Really. Knowing that I am somewhat of a skeptic, he suggested that I might want to look into this and see what basis there might be for believing that Celine Dion is actually The Devil.

I personally don't believe that she is. But I'll simply present the facts and what I have discovered, leaving the final decision up to you. In the words of the late Robert Stack, "An amazing coincidence? Many people don't think so."



So how do you apply scientific methods to ascertaining if someone is The Devil? This stumped us for quite some time, but we eventually decided to simply use the traditional biblical, poetic, and folkloric sources of information about The Devil.

We felt that there were several statements we could make with relative certainty about The Devil:

1. The Devil is an angel who has been cast out and who has rejected his proper angelic role.

2. His goal is to seduce mankind to carnality and base activities. The methods used to accomplish this will be sly and concealed in intent and purpose. He will use deception, making evil look good and vice-versa.

3. Modern media will play a significant role in The Devil's plan. He may even be personally active in the media or in entertainment. If not, he will almost certainly be head of a powerful and large corporation. (Just check out Sam O'Neil in The Omen films.)

4. When appearing in human form, The Devil is usually tall, slender, and regal in appearance. He often has horns (at least vestigial ones), pointed ears, and a Van Dyke beard. A tail is optional.

5. The number "666" is critical in recognizing The Devil. (This is simply too well-known to be untrue.)

6. His followers will not necessarily be violent or criminal, but they will be completely under his power and will work hard to spread the word about him and gather new disciples.

7. The Devil enjoys directly or indirectly causing pain, discomfort, and despair.


Using Mirrors or Water

One point of argument we had was about possibly using mirrors in our work. Will The Devil cast a reflection in a mirror? If not, then we could just look for a picture of Celine near a mirror and check for her reflection. (That sort of picture should be easy to find, since she spends a lot of time with mirrors.) If there's a reflection, she's not The Devil. But we have yet to come to a decision about this. We are sure that zombies, werewolves, witches, and psychotic slashers cast reflections. We are also sure that vampires, ghosts, and imaginary rabbits DON'T cast reflections. The jury is still out about The Devil. (Although, it would seem to me to be rather trivial for The Devil to alter a photograph to make it LOOK as if Celine had a reflection. You might have to attend a Celine show with a small hand mirror and check it out yourself.)

We both agreed, however, that it probably won't do much good to see if Celine ever bathes. We think that water only works on witches. We have, however, decided to study the following items a bit further for possible use: garlic, wolfsbane, salt, iron, and voodoo dolls. We remain open to other suggestions.

So let's get down to business...


Celine's Popularity and Her Fans

It would just be belaboring the point to remind you of Celine's popularity and how she dominates certain areas of the entertainment media. Oprah, for one, has clearly sold out to Celine. Her fan-base is widespread and dedicated. Her website is a complex one, with all sorts of "secret" member areas. The news there is updated daily, encouraging fans to check it several times each day so they will be enlightened about what they should think about her and how they should act.

Celine does an exceptional job of publicizing her "good works" on the website, too. Like many celebrities, she would like fans to think that she is simply performing for their sake and because her natural talent has put her under some obligation to them. The website trumpets her charitable activities and her participation in fund-raising events and organizations. Like most celebrities, however, she wants you to see her as benevolent and generous, but does not want you to think about her status in comparison to yours.

Let's say that she makes $3,000,000 a year (she actually makes far more than this, but let's keep the numbers simple) and let's say that you make $30,000 a year (which is much closer to the average US income.) I have no problem with Celine making 100 times as much money. She provides services and entertainment that are highly-valued by others, the very essence of economic activity. And she doesn't just hide the money away, either. She spends it on other goods or services, or she invests it. But the same things would be true if she lived on $300,000 a year, or ten times the average income, and gave the other $2,700,000 directly to charity. She would still be living ten times as well as the average person off the street. The charitable donations would be completely tax-deductible and there would be no fund-raising costs involved. So how generous is she in real terms? After all, donating her name to a cause or performing at a benefit costs her virtually nothing, except for missed earning opportunities.

So let's agree that she meets many of the criteria regarding position, wealth, power, and manipulation of the media. She also clearly seeks the adoration of her fans and tries to control their thoughts about her.

Let us further agree that her intention (indeed, her purpose) at this time is to lure people to Las Vegas and into the casino at which she is appearing. "Hey, everyone! Come on out to Fun City...and don't forget the kid's college money!"


Physical Appearance

Again, I don't want to beat this point to death, but Celine is obviously tall, slender, and regal in appearance.

But that's not all. I went to the website and downloaded the very first image on display. It is shown at the top of this page. Do you notice anything unusual about the picture? Here are some things that we observed:

Note the odd peaked hat, very suggestive
of a medieval feathered cap.
It intentionally conceals the tops
of the ears and the forehead...where
horns might grow.


Doesn't this prominent
chin look prosthetic to you?
If so, it would easily conceal
a Van Dyke beard.


What kind of odd, unnatural gesture is this intended to be? She's clearly not trying to take her hat off. It's almost as if she's trying to scratch some horns....


This could just be coincidence, but the website is clearly "pushing" this picture of Celine, which tends to make us think that it is important and should be closely examined.

I also downloaded one small image from the second page of the website. It is rather fuzzy, since it came from a video, and Celine looked rather stressed in the image. Her expression is quite unusual. Or am I imagining this? (No, I did not manipulate the image! This is exactly what it looks like on her site. I have no idea why they posted such an awful picture.) Click on the image to see a larger version...shocking, isn't it?

Celine Dion
(Actual photo
from her website)

In an attempt to make it clearer, I adjusted the gamma on my image viewer. Look what happened as soon as I reduced the gamma correction on the image:

Celine Dion
(Same photo
with gamma reduced)

Pretty eerie, right? Could this be mere coincidence? You decide.



Based on The Omen movies, I thought that I might have to get her to shave her head so we could check for the "666". (I was thinking of encouraging the Sinead O'Connor look. She already has the figure for it.) But I soon learned that the significance of the number is supposed to be numerological, and not a physical feature. So I started looking at her name.

At first, I assigned each letter a number (A=1, B=2, C=3, etc.) and added up the values. I came up with 90, which didn't seem to be significant at all. I then tried adding up her first and last name separately. I got 48 and 42. Still a bust! It also occurred to me at this point that her name couldn't possibly add up to 666, since she only has 10 letters in her name. The best I could hope for would be 36, or 66, or something else similar.

Then my friend set me straight. "That's not how classic numerology works," he told me. "You have two major systems of numerology: the Pythagorean System and the Chaldean System. The underlying premise of Chaldean numerology is that every letter has a unique vibration. Numbers are assigned to letters based on the vibrational value. In the Pythagorean System of numerology letters are assigned a number by their position in a sequence." Guessing that western culture owed a little more debt to Pythagoras and the Greeks, I chose their system. Here are the values for the letters in the Pythagorean System:




































So, armed with my new-found knowledge of numerology, I started to calculate the values in her name. The value of her name turned out to be 54. Using accepted numerological practice, I added the digits of 54 to get 9. Not real impressive so far

But then I made my breakthrough! I calculated the value of her first name and her last name separately. "Celine" adds up to 30, which then adds up to 3. "Dion" adds up to 6. OBVIOUSLY, HER NAME IS MEANT TO HAVE THE VALUE 3 AND 6, OR 3 SIXES (666)!! This numerology stuff works! Could it be any clearer?


Exclusionary Evidence

Sometimes it is more effective to work on evidence that could disprove your hypothesis. As with casting reflections (discussed above), we could prove that Celine is NOT The Devil in several ways. To start with, we conducted an extensive search to see if we could find a photograph of Celine and The Devil together. Clearly, they could not be the same person if they appeared anywhere together at the same time. Logically, every instance of Celine not being with The Devil would be a confirming (though very weakly) case for the argument that she IS The Devil.

I'm pleased to report that we were unable to find ANY photographs of Celine with The Devil, thus at least partially confirming that Celine herself may be The Devil. We also noted, however, that we could not find a picture of The Devil with President Bush, Bill Clinton, Bill Gates, John Edward, Angelina Jolie, or Ted Turner. Draw your own conclusions.

We DID find literally hundreds of pictures of Oprah and Celine together, but we shudder to think what this might suggest. I'll leave that to your imagination.

Oprah and Celine
(Doesn't Celine look tired?
And check out Oprah's
red dress! Hmmm....)


Miscellaneous Observations

FACT: Anybody who listens to Celine's albums knows all about pain, discomfort, and despair. A soaring and technically proficient voice does not necessarily translate into a pleasant listening experience. (Put on some Karen Carpenter if you want to hear beautiful singing. She could make you believe she was sitting on the couch next to you singing only to you.)

FACT: Celine's latest show and album are both entitled "A New Day," which is very suggestive of expectation, transformation, or fulfillment.

FACT: Celine has set about to create an empire in the middle of Las Vegas, the newly-sanitized home of lust, gambling, and moral bankruptcy. Take a look at Stephen King's book, The Stand, wherein the forces of evil make Las Vegas the capital city of their new kingdom. "Better to reign in hell...."

FACT: Celine's husband is Rene Angelil, but she kept her professional name when they married. (By the way, Angelil, who is 26 years older than Celine and who has been her manager since she was 12, divorced his wife in 1985 when he was traveling with Celine, who was then just 17. He has repeatedly said that they had been travelling together all that time, but that he just fell in love with her over the two years following the divorce. "Just the facts, ma'am.") It's pretty easy to see that the root of the name, "Angelil," is angelus, the same root as for "angel." So Celine was directly REJECTING her role as "Celine Angelil [angel or angelic]" to continue with her professional career and mission.



At this point, I think that we need to let the evidence speak for itself. Read all of the facts carefully, and then make an informed decision. Regardless of the conclusions you reach, I think that we can all agree on the following:

1. Celine looks somewhat like The Devil. If she had pointed ears, horns, and a Van Dyke beard, we would probably not be able to tell from the picture provided at her website.

2. We have not been able to prove that she is NOT The Devil, as we can find no evidence whatsoever of both of them being in the same place at the same time.

3. Celine has worked hard to become the entertainment "ruler" of the place in the United States many people believe is most like Hell. She invites her worshipping multitudes to flock to her there for what many people believe are sinful purposes.

4. She conceals her true purpose with a veneer of charity and benevolence.

5. We can derive the number "666" (or, at least, "3" and "6") from her name using recognized numerological practices.

6. Many people suffer agonies and despair upon exposure to her works.

7. She has rejected her normal "angelic" role in favor of continuing what she believes to be her true work.

Let me emphasize again that I do NOT believe that Celine is The Devil. This is all claptrap, pure nonsense, and coincidence.

If you want to correspond with me about our research, Id be happy to discuss it in detail. Just send mail to me. I would be particularly interested in your comments on the artist.

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